In the midst of all this, the Lord revealed to me a sense of pride in me that He is breaking down. I realized that I am afraid to ask for help. It is really hard for me to ask for people to help me learn and practice and speak, because I don't want to seem or look stupid. German and this process makes me feel stupid. It is hard, and I feel like most of the time I just don't get it, and I feel stupid. I think this is also the reason I didn't put more effort into it in America before I left. It was hard for me to get help from my small group this week. I also was able to share this with the Au Pair across the street last night. We went to an Au Pair meeting and I was telling her about my week and she told me that any night I need help, I can come across the street to her house and we can work on it together. The Lord has blessed me so much. But my human flesh is stubborn and my pride takes over. I just don't want people to think I'm stupid. But in light of this realization, I am pointed back to the Cross and my Savior. It doesn't matter what other people think of me. Only His opinion matters. He will still love me if I speak English and German, or just English, or smoother language. I have chosen to follow Him, so His view of me is simply a reflection of himself. Through the words of other people this week, He whispered, "It's ok to ask for help. You won't look stupid. Trust Me."
This week I started my Intensive German course. And let me say, its been intense and crazy. I have experienced a wide variety of emotions this week, mostly having to do with this course. Every weekday, from 8:45a-12:45p, I have class. We have a few breaks in there, but its basically four hours of German and its tough. Monday was a good day. I already knew most of the vocabulary, I could tell I was going to like my teacher, and my classmates seemed really nice. We were off to a great start. But Tuesday came rushing in with force. It was apparent that since I had been teaching myself, there were gaps in my understanding, mostly in Grammar. I was confused and unsure about the material that we discussed in class. I was able to ask for some help, and seemed to better understand the content and grammar. Wednesday again came rushing in, and I was again knocked down and felt completely defeated with German. Even though I wasn't sure if I should attend Bible Study that night, I went and my group even offered to help me with my German homework and explained to me some of the things I wasn't understanding and helped me complete my homework. Feeling thankful and upbeat again I attended class Thursday and Friday, and there lay a different set of difficulties. Our class has a terrific teacher Monday-Wednesday, and a not so good one Thursday and Friday. To make a long story short, she doesn't really teach us, but rather lead us through the exercises in the book and expects us to simply understand everything. So it makes the class tough to sit through and somewhat enjoy.
In the midst of all this, the Lord revealed to me a sense of pride in me that He is breaking down. I realized that I am afraid to ask for help. It is really hard for me to ask for people to help me learn and practice and speak, because I don't want to seem or look stupid. German and this process makes me feel stupid. It is hard, and I feel like most of the time I just don't get it, and I feel stupid. I think this is also the reason I didn't put more effort into it in America before I left. It was hard for me to get help from my small group this week. I also was able to share this with the Au Pair across the street last night. We went to an Au Pair meeting and I was telling her about my week and she told me that any night I need help, I can come across the street to her house and we can work on it together. The Lord has blessed me so much. But my human flesh is stubborn and my pride takes over. I just don't want people to think I'm stupid. But in light of this realization, I am pointed back to the Cross and my Savior. It doesn't matter what other people think of me. Only His opinion matters. He will still love me if I speak English and German, or just English, or smoother language. I have chosen to follow Him, so His view of me is simply a reflection of himself. Through the words of other people this week, He whispered, "It's ok to ask for help. You won't look stupid. Trust Me."
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AuthorMy name is Lindsey. I graduated from Eastern Michigan University with a degree in Early Childhood Education in 2015 and moved to Germany as an Au Pair for a year! I love my Savior and my relationship with Him is most important. I also love traveling. I have been to the UK and Ireland, South Korea, China, Bosnia, Montenegro, and now Germany, Italy, Austria and France. I started this blog to chronicle my life as an Au Pair in Germany and my European Travels. My hope is that future Au Pairs would find my blog helpful and informative as they decide if they would like to be an Au Pair. Lindsey's Instagram:
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